Someone on NBA Reddit, posed a very interesting question tonight. Does having more children make you a better NBA player?
Here’s some of the post below:
If you’re like me, you probably fuck tons of things, like pocket-pussys and weiner rings. When you’re an NBA player though, you get to bang women. And not just the ugly ones; the pretty ones.
But, just because NBA players can pump and dump their skizz into 10’s, should they? Does it help them become NBA stars, or does the burden of paying child support weigh on their psyches and effect their play in a negative manner?
Here, we have a list of the 10 NBA players with the most children, per sportster.com:
1. Calvin Murphy – 14 fucking kids
2. Jason Caffey – 10 children
3. Willie Anderson – 9 children
4. Shawn Kemp – 7 children
5. Kenny Anderson – 7 children
6. Scottie Pippen – 7 children
7. Shawn Bradley – 6 children
8. Danny Ainge – 6 children
9. Scott Skiles – 6 children
10. Juwan Howard – 6 children
Yes, you’re reading that right. Calvin Murphy has 14 kids. With 9 women. Calvin was fairly efficient throughout his career, which is why it’s so surprising that he was a volume shooter off the court.
So, did spreading that baby batter help or hurt these NBA stars? Per basketballreference.com, it looks like the ten players above have a career average PER of 15.81. The league average PER is 15, so by having an obscene amount of children, NBA players ostensibly become above average, on average.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “u/glansberg_stephen, could the data you found be a result of chicks thinking NBA All-Stars are hot and disgustingly rich, meaning they are more likely to have their children?” Yes, that is something I did not consider until getting invested in posting this. I have no counter.
It is worth mentioning that, if women do indeed have these players babies because they are NBA All-stars, then that is likely the only reason. Look at that group of hideous people listed above. Shawn Bradley is taller than my house, Juwan Howard looks like he should be in a zoo, and Scott Skiles has a temper worse than my dad when I eat the last jalapeno popper at Café Ole. He gets so pissed.
If you liked this, check back next week when I make a post about the correlation between NBA players skill level and their ability to physically give birth to a child.
(Side note: I often see people mentioning how many children Shaq and Dwight Howard have. They each have 5, which was just shy of this top ten. Bonus points to Dwight for having 5 with 5 different women, for an average of 1.0 children per female. Nice.)
To see the whole Reddit post click here. But what’s your opinion does it make you a better NBA player?